


Paralytic States

by PansyDivision



Series: Trans Female Sam [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Monsters, Brother-Sister Relationships, Butthurt Dean Winchester, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, John Winchester Being an Asshole, Pre-Stanford Era (Supernatural), Protective Dean Winchester, Stanford Era (Supernatural), Trans Female Character, Trans Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:07:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22160815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PansyDivision/pseuds/PansyDivision
Summary: Sam Winchester is a woman. Finally, she's allowed herself to accept it and she's going to take it and run all the way to Stanford. Her family is... less than accepting.Inspired by my personal experience as a trans person, this is something I've always seen in Sam. Although it could never be something in the show's reality. Hopefully I can accurately portray trans girl Sam, please feel free to make suggestions as the chapters go on! I have a plan but nothing is set in stone.
Relationships: Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Series: Trans Female Sam [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1464052
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

"Uno, motherfucker!"

  
"Dammit!" Sam said, smiling behind her frustration at the stupid miniature card game she stole from the Uni-Mart.

  
Jo feigned the shittiest evil laugh that Sam has ever heard as her best friend drew 5 more cards.  
"Shut up," Sam joked. She flicked Jo's cards and a couple went flying.

  
This had become routine. After last period, the three of them, Sam, Jo, and Ash would gather in Miss Stevens room just to dick around. It gave then a good cover to spend time away from their families. Of course, none of them really had any school work or detention to serve. All of them were generally good kids, straight A's except for Ash Then again, Ash never really seemed to give a damn. He was smart even if his grades didn't show it, but his standardized test scores said otherwise.

  
Sam on the other hand had big plans. She was going to Stanford to study law and nobody could tell her otherwise. If she didn't have Jo and Ash, though, she isn't sure she'd even be here right now.

  
Ash suddenly plopped into the spot he'd been sitting in a few minutes ago.

  
"Are you stoned?" Jo asked, forgetting about Uno.

  
"No," he said, grinning widely, squinted eyes giving him away.

  
"Christ, you couldn't wait 10 minutes for us to finish the game?"

  
"We've been playing Uno every god damn day for two weeks straight, Samantha," Ash said, drawing out a few words involuntarily. "Forgive me if I'd rather smoke a bowl to make it a little more interesting."

Sam just rolled her eyes and began packing up the cards into their little plastic pouch. "You better have saved some for us."

"You already know it."

\-----

After they were all thoroughly high as hell, they decided to split up and head home. Sam walked through town with a mile wide smile that had nothing to do with her current state. Unbeknownst to her family, her college acceptance letter was tucked under her pillow. She'd been granted a full scholarship and she'd be damned if she wasn't going to take the chance to get away and live the life she'd been wanting to for just under a decade.

She still has yet to come out to her father and brother. It's not a fear of them or their reactions, but more a fear that she'll have to face up to the fact that she has never been who they think she is. Sam's shoulders too broad, her jaw too jagged, voice too rough, and even her personal tastes too masculine. The physical and social dysphoria could be debilitating. 

Her family may consider it cowardly, but she simply planned to go to college and figure her shit out there. Yes, she loves them, but she's never been on her own before. More than anything she needed the chance to be independent, to try new things, to say 'fuck it'. She'd been doing that in small ways for months.

Jo was the first person she'd told. It wasn't until senior year that she could even accept herself, let alone have other people try. Ash was next. Of course neither of them had any problems, both of them were queer. Jo is genderfluid, while Ash is bisexual. All of their identities very different, yet all closely linked. It's what brought them together in the first place.

Sam was still smiling when she walked into her town home, Dean's snoring on the couch. He'd been up early this morning for work, so she let him be. God only knows where their father was at that moment. Silently, she thanked the higher being she hoped was there that her brother was sleeping. Dean wasn't very happy that she smoked, but she wasn't any more happy that he drank. After the first couple arguments, the issue was mostly left alone due to Dean being unable to defend his drinking habits.

As she crept up the stairs, she felt a jolt of sadness. It was something like guilt. Graduation is in a couple weeks. She's been ready to leave behind her family since she started turning in her college applications. There are no thoughts of turning back in her head at this point, but she could never deny she'll feel bad that she's leaving her older brother in this shit town. Middle of Nowhere, Kansas doesn't exactly present a lot of opportunities. But Dean is an adult, he will take care of himself as he sees fit. Sam is okay with that.

She flopped onto her bed, stomach first, arms coming up to hug her pillow. The edge of the envelope poked her fingers and she drifted off to sleep. Big things were coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is something i am challenging myself with. I will be working on this story EVERY day, although new chapters will mostly likely be posted with days between them. I have big plans and I hope you'll stick around for the rest! Ten chapters is AT LEAST how long it will be. It may be longer.
> 
> Please let me know your thoughts! They're very important to me.


	2. Chapter 2

Living in the Winchester household, you wake up to weird shit sometimes. Dean drunkenly rambling about how he's out of peanut butter but is too fucked up to go get some, their father attempting to do some cooking but burning down half the kitchen, loud footsteps without any real explanation, and occasionally complete silence. This morning was the first time Sam could say she'd been woken by being hit with their household phone.

"Samantha?" John was in the doorway, his expression unreadable in the dark of Sam's room.

The glowing red alarm clock on her side table read 7:13, which must have been PM. Her father just got home.

"What?" She replied sleepily, heart beginning to pound. She tries to calm herself down, there's no way he could possibly know.

"You wanna explain why the school left a voicemail about my _daughter_ , Samantha?" 

Ears ringing, feeling like someone just punched her in the throat, she shot up. She's exceptionally intelligent, she can absolutely think of several excuses. Wrong student? Someone who's never met her and made a mistake? Instead, her face heats up and she's left speechless.

"Nothing?" He growls. "Are you some kinda fucking tranny? I raised a boy, you have a dick. Explain yourself or get out of my house."

For a second she wondered if she was dreaming. The thought only lasted mere seconds before she heard her brother downstairs asking what the hell was going on. What could she possibly say? Does she even want to deny it? School was out in a couple weeks. Jo's mother had said before that she was welcome to stay there in case of an emergency.

"I'm transgender," she blurted out. Her body felt like it was on fire as she said it. If it weren't for the shock of the situation, she might have busted out crying. 

"Who the fuck was I raising?" John yelled. "Son, you need to get some mental help. This is not normal."

"I'm not your son. It's-"

"I don't want to hear it. Get the fuck out. You can come back when you're done with this fantasy." John began moving towards her, with intent, although Sam had no clue what that was.

His hand grabbed for her arm and pulled her out of bed onto the floor. Dean walked in to see this motion and instinctively grabbed their father's arm. Anything to protect his little brother, even if it was against their own family.

John ignored his son's attempts to stop him. Of his own accord, John released his youngest.

"You have an hour to get your shit and you out. Then I'm calling the police," John said.

He was right. Sam had no way to defend herself here. She was eighteen, the police would give her a trespassing notice and she would be forced to leave or else face arrest. This situation had always occured to her as a possibility; she had planned for it. Step one, text Jo.

Dean didn't speak again until John backed up out of the room. "What the hell was that? Are you okay?"

"No," She said quickly. "Have to talk to Jo."

"Jo can wait a second, I'm right here!" he exclaimed incredulously. "Just tell me what's going on."

"Dad said I have to leave." It didn't occur to her right away that this situation was terrifying her brother. He wreaked of beer and she wondered if he would even remember the conversation later. Her hands were shaking too much to make a comprehensable text. She hit 'call'.

"Why?" He asked, clearly having missed the majority of what was said between her and their father. 

She pulled herself up off the ground using her bed. A wave of anxiety went through her everytime the phone rang. Still in shock, she walked to her closet to pull out her soccer duffle bag from the eighth grade and dumped its contents onto the floor. Jo's voicemail greeting began playing and she screamed, "Fuck!"

"Sam!" Dean finally decided to raise his voice.

It stopped her in her tracks. "I'm uh, trans. I'm a girl." 

Dean just stared, unable to come up with a response. He opened his mouth to ask something, the question still unbeknownst to him.

"Before you say anything, I don't need your fuckin' disapproval." She went back to her task. Opening every drawer, digging through it and throwing what she needed into it carelessly. 

"Since when? Why didn't you tell me?" 

To Sam's surprise, he sounded genuinely hurt. Great fucking timing to be having emotions for once, Dean. Now she was supposed to be sorry? Fuck that, she had more pressing matters at hand. 

Step two: Make sure you have everything you need. She ran down her list for packing. Three changes of clothes, toothbrush, razor, hairbrush, moisturizer, and the stash she kept in her closet. The stash consisted of about $200 in cash, canned goods, a two liter water bottle, and a cheap flip phone that she could add minutes to. For over a year she had been so good at hiding her identity, she almost forgot she had this all ready. You can never be too prepared for coming out to a homophobic or transphobic parent. John was just one of those strongheaded, shoot first, ask questions later kind of father. Basically, not the good kind. Sam shook her head in a lame attempt to clear it of its racing thoughts.

"Just fuck off, Dean," she spat. Her phone rang at that exact moment and she bolted to answer it. "Jo, I need you here now."

_"What's wrong?"_ Her voice was clear and level on the phone. The clatter of her trying to gather her things could be heard in the background.

Sam finally let out the smallest sigh of release, "Just hurry, I'll explain when you're here."

As Dean looked around the room, exasperated, Sam was zipping up her duffle and heading towards the door. Yes, she loved Dean, but did she even owe him an explanation? His head has been shoved up his ass for so long, she isn't sure that it would be worth her time. It was probably best that she leave as quickly as possible. More time to organize her life if she left this bullshit completely behind.

"Come on, you're my brother. Suddenly I can just be fuckin' ignored?"

She grimaced at the word 'brother' and stopped in the doorway. "I'll call you, okay? I can explain just let me get the hell out of here first." And she meant it.

Dean nodded. 

At least that was something she could work with. Her father may never work out, which became even more evident when she came down the stairs to find him with a glass half full of jack at the kitchen table. Sam simply avoided looking in his direction and made her way out the front door before she has to face any more of John's comments. A burst of hope hit her in the chest as she walked outside to see Jo sitting in her car, waiting. Hope was all she could do right now.


End file.
